See now that's funny

An open letter to that mean girl:

Dear mean girl. Why are you mean? I'll start by saying thanks. Thanks for picking up me and 8 of my camp friends from downtown the other night. I don't know your name, but I'm sure Gaby does. I think she's the one who called you. Thank you also for driving us to the base of the Gordon st. bridge. Remember that night? I do. I remember it like it was last Saturday. We were driving along. I was huddled on the back floor of your van with Kilmer and a few other seatbeltless passengers. We saw what looked like the RIDE program up ahead, so out of courtesy I asked if I could get out along with some others who didn't have belts so you wouldn't get busted. See I thought this was a nice gesture. You seemed to think so too. We made it pretty clear that we would walk till we were past the cops and that then you would pick us up. Turns out that it was a car accident, and so you had to turn right (water st. ?) for a detour. Well we had planned for that too. We planned to be picked up 20 paces around the corner. We jogged after you as you turned but you only sped up. Thank you mean girl. We waved and you kept driving. Thank you for that too. So Kilmer and I walked. It was only -20, we needed the fresh air. It felt like summer anyway, it was a really warm -20, so I was glad I didn't have gloves or a hat. I was also glad to see you pull back onto gordon ahead of us to drop of mike and naiman. I thought maybe you were going to pick us up too? We waved you down but you turned right and sped off again. Once we got to the top of the hill, where mike and naiman live, we saw you pulling out of their driveway. That's when Kilmer and I walked up to the car and asked if we could still have that ride home. Kilmer tried to open the door and it was locked. And all I remember through the haze is that you and that girl in the front seat exchanged akward glances. I got the message. I tried to be sad (which I was) when I said "it's okay, we'll just walk" in hopes that you might have some pity on us two cold guys who live literally 2 minutes out of your way. After all, you had to turn down college to drop of gaby, and you could just scoot around the corner to edinburgh. Or not. You didn't get the message, you let us walk. You sped off after we walked around your van - again. In the direction we wanted to go - again. I may never know why you did this. It's it was a random act of meanness. Are you spreading these acts? Do you go around doing this to people? Did Kilmer and I say something offensive? I'm pretty sure we were quiet back there on the ride from downtown. I heard somewhere your room mate is crazy and that's who was in the front seat with you - if so I am sorry. But either way, this is a thank you letter to you. I quite enjoyed coming home close to frostbite. I thought "this sure beats cabs!"

So last night I'm marking this paper on Ethyl Carbamate Toxicity. Yeah - don't worry about it. So I flip to the back page and check the references, and I see this order form. Yeah - an order form. What theF-. . . That should be pronounced phonetically, real fast, one word "whattheF-"

As the image resolves itself I realise what I'm looking at. One of the most embarassing things a guy could have accidentally stapled to his term paper: the confirmation for the online order he placed for flowers for his girlfriend. Priceless. I know her name, her address, his address. It's funny to me. Also what is funny (well I'll let you read it, hopefully the pic is big enough to see the text when you click it). The line he sent "I know we said we'd keep the cheese to a minimum, but considering how great you are this is the least I could do." hahahah fantastic. The part that's really embarassing is that he didn't keep the cheese to a minimum. . . he spent 80 dollars on 12 roses (multicoloured) to be delivered on Valentine's day. Oh how priceless. I'm sorry maybe this is only funny to me, but I think the cheesiest thing on V-day is roses, 12 of them. Also the most unoriginal. Not to put you down Toxicology Guy, I'm sure Christina will love the flowers. Even though they'll be dead in a week. . .

But imagine. He has no idea he stapled it to his paper. I bet he doesn't even notice the missing print out from his desk. What do I do? I'm thinking of keeping it subtle and just writing something in the marking scheme "nice man, Christina's gonna love it." What do you think? I was also contemplating sending her 24 roses with the same phrase as Toxicology guy wrote. You know, just to 1 up him. Maybe make sure they get delivered the day before. . . 160 dollars for a great practical joke? I'd pay 160 more to see the look on his face when she reads him the name of the guy who sent them over the phone and he realises it's his TA. His universe would collapse. For about 5 seconds in his mind chaos would reign and NOTHING would make any sense. And you can't put a price on that.

C'est Encroyable

PS - this just in. It's Derek's old roommate. Do you know how much funnier that makes this?