Winterlude

About a minute went by and the messages started. "There's someone eating chips in the cubicle next to me and it's sooooo annoying." "Seriously, I can hear their jaw crunching and I want to kill them."
I laughed.
"OHH MY GOOOD IT WON'T STOP"
I laughed some more.
"Seriously, I am so conscious of that. When I go to the library I only bring soft foods, things that won't crunch. I take off my headphones and check the volume, some people just don't care!"
Now I'm in stitches over the soft foods comment
"Marcus, I don't know what to do. I hear a bag of something else opening now, I'm scared."
"I don't know if I should yell at them, or buy chips, but if I buy chips they will think that that is acceptable and it's SO NOT."
ahhahahahah
I told her I thought it would be a good idea to buy some tostitos or crispers and chew them elaborately, you know, enunciate and chew with diction so that they knew you were doing it on purpose. . . I barely got that sentence out
And Gaby was more preturbed than ever. She was telling me how sensitive she was when she was in the library, that she stared people down regularly.
"OH MY GOD - this guy just answered his cellphone, and it had the most gayass ring."
"Seriously, sorry to use gay but that's what it was! His whole fucking conversation was 'yeah, I'm in the library. K - peace.' FFFFUUUCK YOU!"
Again I am dying now. I could barely get a word in edgewise before
"Oh my god he's on it again - seriously what the fuck?"
"Why is it that when people answer cellphones all social etiquette goes out the window? I don't come up in the middle of your conversation and interrupt you! And turn off your gayass ring!"
At this point I have tears in my eyes, picturing Gaby just boiling in her little cubicle, want to kill chips cruncher next to her (as she called him/her) and break the dude's cellphone in half and throw the pieces in his face. ..
"I also hate people who whisper. What the hell is your problem? It's just as distracting as talking, it's still a sound."
hahahha
"Marcus I think I need to get out of the library."
I agreed, and I asked her why she didn't, and this is when I really laghed.
"Marcus, it sucks here, but forgot my keys. I already went home once to see if anyone was home and no one was."
"Also, I do have a huge mid term coming up, and I'm sitting here all by myself rotting away and I have NO FOOD."
I'm giggling again
"And when I went home, I tried to break into my own house by climbing the roof to the top window."
"I slipped and fell. Like - I actually fell off my roof."
I cannot stop laughing at this point - I am so entertained. Thank you Gaby. I'm sorry you fell off your roof, and I'm sorry you were starving in the library, and good luck on your midterm. You are priceless.
So today I was about to eat my lunch when Jocelyn, my neighbour, walks in. She was sick and tired of looking at these giant icicles, precariously perched, ready to fall, dangling from our eve. They weren't in a particularly dangerous spot, but she couldn't handle the sight of them and wanted to get them down. Seeing as how we bought about 500 apples last weekend that we had NO use for other than spud gun ammo and to watch rot away, Graeme and I gleefully ran outside. We killed 15 minutes whipping rotting apples at this icicle. Half the time we'd hit the dude's window behind it. We broke of some substantial pieces of this thing, but the dude was glaring at us unimpressed from behind the pane (which we totally applesauced), and lest he call the cops on us we ended it at 15 minutes. Also because I shattered a nalgene full of water that on the concrete after it dropped from icicle height, and also because we ran out of apples, and also because the spud gun probably created somewhat of a disturbance when it went off. By the way it also turned it's ammo into applesauce before impact, so that was no use. My friend Erin suggested the use of a hot super soaker full of saline, but if I know icicles, these fuckers will spitefully fall all on their own when I'm not looking. Probably by tomorrow morning. We did get a good piece of them though, and that was a good way to break up an afternoon. Fuck you icicles. You can see Graeme giving it his all in that pic, that big patch is the motherlode we were aiming for. . .
10 Comments:
you shattered a nalgene?! you have now achieved god-like status in my eyes.
willsy
Monday, February 12, 2007 at 7:08:00 PM EST
my stomach hurts. that gaby interlude was amazing. thank you gaby, and marcus.
-Deborah
Monday, February 12, 2007 at 10:10:00 PM EST
gaby puked in my hat and then hid it. i may never forgive her. but she is right about the soft foods. i do that too. or suck on the chips till they are soggy and you can eat them without the crunch, that´s a good move too.
yank.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007 at 11:33:00 AM EST
Oh my god Gaby, I want to YouTube the video of me and Pieper doing CSI to figure out you puked. . .
Sucking on chips Yank? Do they even have libraries in the third world?
Tuesday, February 13, 2007 at 11:59:00 PM EST
i meant when i used to go to the u of g library. libraries in the third world are just another place for young girls to get pregnant. right between the shelves of books on starting your own sustainable garden and turning pig shit into cooking fuel.
yank
Wednesday, February 14, 2007 at 11:47:00 AM EST
Yank I think I may have just peed a little.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007 at 2:52:00 PM EST
hahahaha awesome marcus. i am glad i was able to entertain you in my library fusteration. just so you know- i did end up leaving and gave chip guzzler a real mean look on my way out.
ROBBO: i still feel awful about your hat. it hasn't happened since. it was first year, what can i say?
Anyway i feel so honored to have made the best blog on the web. whoooooooooo.
oh yes and if anyone asked i most defintily say our first enconter was in the literary gold "east of the sun, west of the moon." that was experimental theatre at its best.
gabbboooo.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007 at 6:56:00 PM EST
oh ps please publish the video. want to see it.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007 at 6:57:00 PM EST
I've seen it...it's totally worth a watch. marcus, get on that.
willsy
Wednesday, February 14, 2007 at 7:07:00 PM EST
Your wish is my command. . .
Wednesday, February 14, 2007 at 7:45:00 PM EST
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