Loose ends

Ohhhh updates updates updates. The last 9 days have been a blur of days bordering on 12 hours at school. Let me bitch and whine cause I can! I am in the lab, every other day I kill 4 rats, and then on the in between days I slice their brains, and that is the time consuming part. This is interspersed with tutoring and going to classes, some of which are quite inconsequential, others which I TA and am required to be at. But all in all I don't mind it. Tonight was a 6 hours stretch of slicing, which is a long one, but there were three of us in there, my buddy Craig hanging out just to entertain the two of us, which was great, so we listenened to Dane Cook and Monty Python and giggled away. I do miss being outside though. Got new skis on ebay (have I mentioned this) and I have yet to go out and use the things. . . soooon. The snow keeps falling which is a plus. A couple of nights ago I went to a friend's place. It was my Britton's birthday and I hadn't seen her in forever, so there was a small camp gathering just around the corner from here, which was fun. Alaina came down from Kingston and we hadn't seen each other since Christmas so it was nice to catch up. We had a great laugh about stuff I forgot all about, like the time my mom didn't fall asleep at night because we were leaving for BC the next day and (get this) she forgot to hem my pants. Yeah you read that right. Hem my pants. My mom's a bit of a worry wort. Alaina leaves for California on the 13th of February for her placement with the OEE program at Queen's. I am jealous, needless to say, because she gets to do all kinds of cool shit there, including whitewater rafting (in Utah I think) and surfing ocean waves in a kayak. Fuck it, I'll let her explain it. http://www.alainasadventures.blogspot.com/ read all about it there. Right now it's pretty empty and uninventive, but I'm assuming it will fill up as time goes on. So there you go Camp folks, don't say I never sent you nowhere.

Bob, do you still read this? We may be partying saturday. Hell, if you can read this and make it to Guelph saturday night, we may be partying saturday. Bob is back in the country, he flew in a few nights ago. He seemed a little nonplussed that I wasn't ready to drink on saturday, but I didn't give my schedule enough thought. I'm pretty sure it should be all cleared up by then bobber! Don't you worry. We'll keep in touch about that. Anyway it's been awhile since I've imbibed, and it's about time. I also realised I have no pictures since the snow has been falling. It's been a lot of time since I've gone out shooting, which also is not good. It's been awhile since I've done a lot of things. Time to take my life back.

The second pic is of my friend Colin http://www.masvinoporfavor.blogspot.com rippin' a sweet surf at the Gull river a few years back. Thought it was a nice pic, and it's the least I can do for him after taking all those pics of himself in my backstreet boys shirt in south america. Thanks Colin. Good for you stealing my shirt and putting it to a good cause. You're like the Robin Hood of shirt thieves.

So what else has occurred? Well against all odds the cartoon D-Rock and I drew got published in the Ontarion. Christ - I know. Like really? How did this happen? I don't know, were they bored? Mischevious? Lacking talent and needing something to fill the space? Or (God forbid) did they find us funny? I don't know, but Pieper and I took it to heart, we decided that just in case we were funny to anyone but us we better draw another one, and really make it funny this time. So here it is in case it doesn't come out this Thursday (sorry I couldn't help myself) and this time we laughed and laughed when we made it. It's the mystery that makes it so enticing I think.

So this time I'm being a worry wort. My parents left for Belize awhile back - I don't remember the exact date, I'm sure I could figure it out if I tried but that would ruin the moment - and I got one phone message from them 2 days after they landed saying they were fine. Haven't heard from them since. Remember my mom? Forgot to hem pants, didn't sleep? Yeah she usually calls every few days. What is their deal? I'd be lying if I said I didn't find it a bit peculiar. Call parents, call. I didn't mean what I said. I don't think it's funny that your faces scrunch up when you take your malaria pills. Well, yes I do, but still - call.

Oh - so shit I find funny. I find this youtube video excruciatingly funny:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Py805hYfopw

So if you watched the end of that video you now know why when things go horribly wrong Graeme and I will look at eachother and say "Back to you Dale."

Also, Deb over email told me how funny she thought it was when kids are on a portage, just turtled on their backs, limbs flailing. My God I laughed. Deb you are so right. I just picture that kid that tried to carry a pack bigger than him/herself, both water jugs, all the paddles, and a bunch of lifejackets. Now they're a garage sale, they've dropped eveyrthing except for one paddle, which they are trying to use as a crutch to get up with. They also haven't dropped the pack, since they're lying on it and they're attached to it. Basically these kids are strapped to the ground. And you have to contain your laughter as you put your boat down and bend down to help them up. Cute, funny, sad, hilarious all at the same time. Oh what a picture.

I think I have a pic of a kid somewhere with a pack like this biting off more than he can chew. Ah yes, remember all the winds this past summer? They knocked a lot of trees down. Trees taller than 9 year olds. . .Yep there it is. there is a kid under there somewhere, he was a trooper!

It's okay little guy, you'll get it some day.

Okay, 2 more days of poo, home stretch here I come. Yank, speaking of poo, how is your tropical disease?

Adventures in Wilderness 001

Pipes and I came up with this joke sooo long ago, we've been laughing about it for years, even though it's only funny to us (which really ties in to the last blog entry). In fact, it was when I had writer's block trying to entertain Yank with that entry that I went to Pipes and asked him about things that make him laugh from his past. Then we talked about this - then we remembered we wanted to make a comic, so we turned it into one. We're submitting it to the Ontarion with very little hope that it will go anywhere, but just like this blog, it entertains the shit out of me, so there you go.

Great, now there goes my hat.

Anyone who's seen the Far Side comic on our fridge will get that. If you haven't, well come over and see it for God's sake.

You know I just struggled with the capitalization of the word 'God'. I capitalized it to be proper, then I said "fuck that, the man can't tell me how to live." and I decapitalized it. Then I decided that doing that was to acknowledge there was someone watching who I wanted to think wasn't watching me, which in turn would make me a believer, negating the fact that I decapitalized his name, and merely pissing him off. So I said "no fuck THAT, I am liberated, I will capitalize it and I'll use it in a sentence because it's only a figure of speech and nothing more. . ." But do I really believe that now? Can I call myself a true atheist when I struggle with capitalizing that word? Ah yes, a tangeant for another blog.

done!

What's the matter son, chicken? (you'll get it)

My god twice in two days? What has become of us? Like a tired lover after a long night of drinking I hop back in bed with you, the reader, to exchange creative juices one last time before I roll over and go to sleep. Don't worry, we'll snuggle for a bit after.

You were supposed to be repulsed by that. If you were not repulsed by that something is wrong with you.

Yank, something is wrong with you.

This binge blogging has got to stop.

Moments in my life that make me laugh on a pretty much daily basis:

This is going to be somewhat of a selfish entry, as these moments make me laugh mostly because of their context, not because any external validity they have as jokes. Hell, even that statement was selfish. External validity is an extremely appropriate phrase to describe this situation, the only thing is if you're not a psych student it probably didn't make sense. How pretentious of me. People are always described as well spoken when (in the words of zoolander) they use "Big words, and small - difficult words." The thing is, I think that just makes you an asshole. Being well spoken includes knowing your audience and switching accordingly. Those fuckers in your classes that use words because they hope 80% of the people won't know them aren't well spoken, they're just, well, spoken. Anyway so that's my purposefully pretentious rant. Moving on to moments that make me laugh.

In no particular order. Well actually, I'll start with a moment inspired by Yank, since he made me write this entry.

So we decided to go to Maine, the home of Rob (Yank) for reading week. There's good skiing there, his parents are really nice, his house is cozy and they cook good food up in that humpty bumpty, I was sold. We rented a pontiac Sunfire, or sun chicken as Kilmer taught us to call them. We laughed the whole way, even that is worth its own blog entry. Somewhere between Belleville and Kingston we passed some lady in what may have been another sunfire. I looked over as we overtook her. She looked old beyond her years. Wrinkles from smoking surrounded her lipsticked lips. She had blue tinted glasses on, possibly a cigarette standing attentively, smoking away from between her two fingers which grasped the wheel. I also remember the effect topped off by a feathery neck piece (I won't say scarf) thrown around her skinny neck, and her hair back in a tight bun.

"You see that lady?"

"Yeah, looks like a used up whore."

I almost got us into an accident. Yank had me in absolute tears. It's that calloused, unadulterated and guilt free judgement that we can throw down on people from the safety of our cars that makes life worth living some times. She could have won that car in a divorce, or she could have been on the way to watching her son play indoor soccer. We don't know, but for that moment our harsh judgement stood, and Yank's delivery was such that if you're not laughing as hard as I was right now, it's because I can't do the moment justice. Nice lady? Maybe.

Used up whore.

When I was a young camper at Kandalore, not more than 15 years (probably 16) I was on a trip on the Magnetawan river. Yes the selfsame river that would give a boat up to me when I was 25. We were mischevious boys, as all 16 year olds are (except the losers, and they're mischevious too, just online instead of in real life) Hey, don't judge, I'm blogging from the perspective of a 16 year old right now. We decided it would be a good idea to raid the other tent. What does that mean? Absolutely nothing. Let's look up the word 'raid' just to be traditional. . . .

–noun
1.
a sudden assault or attack, as upon something to be seized or suppressed: a police raid on a gambling ring.
2.
Military. a sudden attack on the enemy, as by air or by a small land force.
3.
a vigorous, large-scale effort to lure away a competitor's employees, members, etc.
4.
Finance. a concerted attempt of speculators to force stock prices down. –verb (used with object)
5.
to make a raid on.
6.
to steal from; loot: a worry that the investment fund is being raided.
7.
to entice away from another: Large companies are raiding key personnel from smaller companies.
8.
to indulge oneself by taking from, esp. in order to eat: raiding the cookie jar. –verb (used without object)
9.
to engage in a raid.
[Origin: 1375–1425; ME (north and Scots) ra(i)de, OE rād expedition, lit., a riding; doublet of road]

See none of these things apply. They weren't gambling, unless you count playing asshole for pieces of tuck which you haven't gotten yet (tuck is candy at camp)

They weren't the enemy, not in any traditional sense of the word, they were just some other boys, most of us were friends with at least one of them too. Anyway, this should have made it harder to explain to my best friend on the trip, Felix Boulanger, a guy from Quebec who made me laugh so hard it hurt on a regular basis, but somehow he got it. He'd never heard the word, the hardest part was to spell it out for him so he knew what the word was, the idea that we might take their food or resources (none of which they had any of, either did we, the kids have nothing on trip) didn't strike him as wierd.

So I've built up to this way too much. We formulated our plan, which we executed perfectly since the plan was that we would zip open their tent, run in, maybe give some noogies or steamrollers, take anything we wanted (which I stress again was nothing) and then make take their tent down. We ran out screaming, we zipped the tent open and busted in. One of the boys asked "What the fuck are you guys doing?" and we all froze, because no one was really sure, except Felix, he knew. In his thick french accent with that shit eating grin on his face he quoted us "We're having a raaaaid."

I laughed so hard I almost cried. The raid was over, we went back to the tent and talked about that moment for the rest of the night. We were 16, that shit is funny when you're 16.

Like the first time my dad said the expression "that's when the shit hit the fan" I laughed for 10 straight minutes. I was about 12 and we were on a road trip to north carolina. I just kept picturing it over and over and I absolutely could not contain myself. C'mon, that is a funny expression.

Actually, on that same trip, my god this was gold, Felix stepped out of the boat onto shore to get onto a portage. Drew, our very fun and much admired LIT pulled up in his boat which was being sterned by a camper. I don't know if this is because Drew was a weak paddler or just giving a kid a chance to try, probably the former. For reference Drew was a big guy, about 6'3". Felix stepped on a rock and then onto shore and pulled his boat up. Drew pulled in and asked "Hey Felix, how deep is it over there?" Felix replied "Not deep." (French accent). Drew pulled up, I don't know if he didn't look down or what, but I will never forget this as long as I live. He took a step like he was the coyote walking off a cliff. It was as if he realised there was nothing under him, and only then did the full 6 feet 3 inches of Drew disappear completely between the water's surface, with a splash so dainty it could only have come from a guy doing a pencil dive, or a completely complacent, unsuspecting victim. The laughter from the whole crew must have been absolutely deafening once he surfaced.

What else makes me laugh?

The phrase "You village idiot."

Play with it, say it in different ways, it just gets funnier.

The first time I fired a spud gun. Chad, my best friend through highschool explained how his crazy cousin/uncle/friend (can't quite remember) fired one at a seagull on lake erie, rendering it a floating ribcage of feathers and we knew we had to have one. We were 16. Now that doesn't mean I don't still own a spud gun, and that doesn't mean it's not the third one I've built, but I don't want to shoot animals with it any more. Just people. And not with potatoes. Anyway, the sheer satisfaction of having one of these things go off, and the surprise that it works, and the decibels that can come out of it is enough to knock you on your ass laughing when you're 16. We worked on it for so long, we raided so many (see the use of raid?) construction sites for it, and when it finally worked we were overjoyed. The fun never ended, but we never laughed as hard as the first time it shot without blowing one of our hands off. It was like our baby had said its first word.

What things make you laugh your ass off? Please? Do tell.

Bits and Pieces

So I think enough time has passed so that this doesn't look like an entry which acknowledges the new year, which you know is my antithesis right now. . . Truthfully I slacked again, I was not purposely holding off and I don't think I'm fooling anyone with a claim like that, so let's get on with the bloggage shall we? Much has happened since we last spoke, and I can't remember a single thing. Frankie and Lindsay have found a place to live and are in the process of moving out, a sad and necessary day. I think they will always be part of 103 though, they put their time in. Frankie and Lindsay, you will always be part of 103, you put your time in. The month was a blast, we laughed, we cried, we laughed some more, and there was some drinking mixed in there, which might be part of the reason I can't remember too much of it all, and possibly the reason for some of the laughing and definitely for the crying. Other than that I have been putting the brakes on research because frankly I hate the idea of it, but now it's time to get the ball rolling, so I start a possibly very time consuming study tomorrow. Such is life. Finally got a pair of skis in the mail (ebay) and I am stoked because their arrival coincided with that of the oh-so unfamilliar snow that has been falling out of the sky in sporadic bouts lately. It's cold and I'm not used to the cold right now, but let's stop being pansys and go enjoy it. Everything looks so cozy once it's under enough snow, and it is tough to beat a sunny, snow-covered day right? Anyway, I have been cooped up for far too long, and this dusting will be a welcome change, I'm ready to get my wallet ripped a new one by Intrawest, blue mountain here I come! Well, I don't actually have a plan for when I'm going or who's coming yet, but I will, as soon as I figure out if my schedule allows it .. . I know it looks like the odds are stacked against me, but there were naysayers when Derek and I planned to paddle the gorge and we all know that happened don't we?


Other updates? Yeah this really is bits and pieces. There is another planet contained in my (Bob's) nanocube right now. What used to be 1 xenia soft coral has divided no less than 6 times, producing 7 separate xenia, which move amorphously over a period of days around their immediate birthplace as they see fit. There's aliens in there. I've had this conversation a number of times, I'm pretty sure one morning I'll wake up and there'll be one on my face. I think they're not only multiplying, but evolving at an uncanny rate. Humans like going for swims right, why couldn't the sea creatures get a kick out of some fresh air? After all, with Oxygen bars being so popular, you'd think anything that respires wouldn't mind a little extra O2 right?

Am I really talking about this right now?


Yes.


This picture at the top is of my friend Don. I've known Don for quite some time. He came to Kandalore probably 4 or 5 years ago. He started out as a driver in the summers, but now he's what you call the "quartermaster" - the guy in charge of dishing out trip gear - in the summers, and he's the program director of the outdoor centre in the off season (at Kandalore). This is Don at the Kilmer new year party. He took an orange peel, carved a grid into it for teeth, put it in his mouth and gave that woeful expression to the camera. His plan was to put the picture on Lavalife (online dating service) and see if it went anywhere. His description was going to be "I've got a receedin' hairlaan and uh live own uh farm" (that's phonetic). Then his catch phrase was going to be "I'm a love you so hard." hahahahah He is priceless. I think the ladies would dig that shit. I'd date you Don. I'd love you so hard.






Imagine someone actually responded on Lavalife? Man what would you do - no seriously, what would you do?

Love 'em hard?

So we have these neighbours. We have Jocelyn, who owns Odin, a little Jack Russell Terrier. For a picture of Odin see one of my last entries for april 2006, I remember playing with the little guy before I left for France. . . Well Jocelyn still lives in 104, and so do 2 other people. One who I couldnt' pick out of a lineup because I actually can't picture his or her face, and the other who I couldn't pick out of a lineup because I can't remember her face, but she owns a dog that looks like a Fox. The dog's name is Anna. Or maybe Ana, since it was rescued from possible death down in Louisiana. Whatever man, I'll withold judgement on the name, or maybe I just did the opposite of that, but 'frankly scallop I don't give a clam'. The point is that An(n)a's owner is constantly scolding her. Well actually we blow it a bit out of proportion, the dog gets in trouble a lot for doing I don't know what. All I know is that when I come home as soon as my key goes in the door I hear the barking begin. And then the owner barks too. Except she barks "An(n)a!" in a really overbearing voice that makes you laugh. Same when the dog goes outside. I've seen that dog rip past my window in one direction, get yelled at, and rip past in the other direction, totally vacant stare in its beady little eyes both times. I always thought the dog was a little bit of a space cadet. So every time we hear a female voice or a dog bark (or both) from next door, whoever is home will look at whoever else is home and go "AN(N)A!". And we laugh and laugh. Now we don't even laugh anymore because it's a habit, like using a funny expression around the people who invented it. Sorta like when I hear Lindsay describe someone having a hard time as "getting owned in the face" or refer to herself as "the pink ninja". Lindsay, your training is nearly complete. So back to the focus. An(n)a turns out to be a stupid bitch, just like I thought.


Yesterday An(n)a bit Pipes in the ass.

She broke off her leash after whatsherface told Pieper she was friendly and wouldn't bite, and then she bit.


Crazy Bitch.

I hope your bum doesn't get infected Derek, that'd be bad for both of us. Who SAID that!?


I feel like Willsy will laugh at that and possibly even have something to say about it.





In other news the rents are leaving for Belize (after a conversation over Dinner after meeting Pieper for the first time). They're excited even though they're all complaints right now. I almost cried laughing watching my parents down these bitter pills. My dad was the worst, he walked around the kitchen swearing, with his face scrunched in a ball. When he finally regained speech all he said was "I had to bite it in half, it wouldn't go down." An angry dad with a German accent saying that? If you're not laughing right now there's something wrong with you. They were originally scheduled for Guatemala. Derek's a pretty persuasive guy. They're leaving in 2 days and going to be gone for 2 weeks. Bon Voyage rents! On the flipside of that coin bobber is in Malaysia as his blog may or may not suggest (I have to check today, and he just got in a few days ago). He should be back home soon! Bob, we'll party when you get back. I'm keeping your saltwater tank though, all the animals are used to me now, and I named them anyway, so it's mine. . . sorry. It just works so well in this room you know? I mean Willsy cleans my cuticles for me when I stick my fingers in the tank, and the hermit crabs just crawl around aimlessly picking stuff off stuff, walkin' around lookin' around. It's harmony in there.

I think that temporarily exhasts my supply of mentally stimulating nuggets of information (if they can be called that)

Frankie is sick, it makes talk funny. She's laying on my bed watching me type this, and I know what she's thinking cause she said it before. "My everything hurts."

She says "It's true, it does."

That just says it all

Love you